For so many years, I kept telling myself that things had to get better, but with time things only seemed to get worse. I felt like I was in this hole and every time I reached to get out I would sink deeper. I couldn’t see the light, I was drowning in endless darkness.
I know now that the more I focused on all the bad, things always seemed worse than they were. I was a victim for so long. A victim of abuse in every possible way, a victim of life’s terrible circumstances. Being a victim makes you feel unworthy, unwanted, unlovable. Being a victim doesn’t allow you to forget your bad experiences. You keep feeling guilty and ashamed of what happened to you.
And it’s okay to feel all these things after all you’ve suffered, what is not okay is to stay in that state of mind. It’s not good for you. It takes you down with all the bad feelings until it immobilizes you. You feel numb and the pain in your heart is excruciating. It crushes your soul and doesn’t let you move on. It doesn’t let you live. You learn how to survive. You’re stuck on survival mode day by day. Just waiting for the day to end to get some sleep. Sleeping is the only way your brain gets to rest sometimes. But sometimes you can’t even rest in your sleep. Insomnia and night terrors come as they please without warning. No invitation needed. Restless nights mean you’ll have a hard time waking up in the morning, but you have to. So you go back to sleep most of the day just to wake up feeling more exhausted.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way out is through. -David Allen
When I started changing my mindset and instead of being a victim I realized I am a survivor, everything started changing. I finally saw the light. I can finally let go of all that hurt and not look back. I can talk about my experiences with an open heart and healing mind. I’ve learned how to live. I’ve learned how to calm my mind to get some needed rest.
When things seem to be going so wrong and you just feel like giving up, remember me! Remember that if I could get through it, anyone can! See how messed up I was and remember that God is great and he is always with you! We don’t see the blessings when we focus on the bad experiences. Sometimes our blessings come in disguise. Sometimes the bad experiences weren’t meant to be bad. They sometimes come with the biggest blessings. We just have to be still and be patient. God’s timing is perfect. Even when the light seems a little dim, God is always there. He will never abandon you.
Learn the difference between your intuition guiding you and your trauma misleading you.
Patience is my biggest weakness. I’ve asked God for patience and I only got more trials. This gave me so many opportunities to practice my patience. I must say I did get better but it’s still not my forte.
I’m still learning how to forgive myself, I’m still learning how to let go.
It’s so easy to feel lost and lose faith. The hard part is what will make you push through, what will make you stronger. Don’t give up because it’s hard. You can overcome anything if you keep going. Push through the pain, through the tears, through the sadness and guilt.
It does get better. It’s not going to be easy. But it will be okay. You will survive and then you will thrive!
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him. -Psalms 37:7